Turn-Based Romance

A couple months ago, someone declared to me that texting has become the primary form of communication during courtship.  At the time, I didn't think much of that proclamation given how ridiculous it sounded.  Why would you choose to place such a narrow and limited form of communication at the foundation of your courtship?  Especially given how central communication is to that experience?  Don't you want to be free to have a much more fruitful and robust experience than what mere texting can offer?  However, the farther I get into the quagmire of 21st century dating, I see how prescient those words were.

Back in the good ol' days, it seemed like you didn't really text with people in the beginning stages of the courtship.  Once phone numbers were exchanged, you moved on to the awkward first phone call.  And, if you could tolerate speaking to each other for a sustained period of time, you moved on to an awkward first date.  Texting seemed relegated to conveying administrative messages like, "Running late" or "Just parking now."  Of course, if the courtship were to gain some momentum, texting could augment normal channels of communication, but even then it was used sparingly.  Since then, texting has mutated from its humble origins to become the omnipresent presence it is today.  The result is that you get short and oftentimes incomplete excerpts Frankenstein-ed together to form what loosely resembles a "conversation."

Now, I totally get why texting has become so popular in the realm of romance.  Odds are, you are not going to end up marrying (or even seeing long term) the person you are communicating with.  So, why risk getting your hands dirty with a face-to-face meeting or even a phone call? Like a latex glove, texting gives you a layer of protection while sampling these disposable, onetime interactions that oftentimes are kinda gross anyway.  Plus, given the number of freaks and creeps out there, it's better to use caution than end up chopped up into little pieces and stuffed into a freezer.  But still, it makes me a little sad that we've gotten to this point.  And not just because texting relegates courtship into a turn-based video game a la Words With Friends, but because it removes the raw, emotional element from romance, sucking the life out of it and spitting back something bland and sterile.

My feelings probably stem from my continued and persistent belief in the "chemistry/spark" theory.  Even though the theory has failed me over the past three decades, I still believe that you can tell fairly quickly after meeting someone whether you're going to connect with them romantically or not.  So, for me, the face-to-face meeting is the most critical component of the courtship.  I like the unpredictability and anticipation.  I like having to ad lib a bit.  I like that it's kind of awkward.  Unfortunately, my eagerness to get to that first meeting is often met with trepidation, so I have to first survive a gauntlet of ambiguous and vague texts before meeting up becomes even a remote possibility.  And, as you may have guessed, I am absolutely terrible at courtship via text.  Primarily because my mind goes into overdrive trying to decipher and decode each and every text that's sent and received--"What does she mean when she says, 'I'm good ;) u?'  What does 'good' mean?!  And why did she write 'u' instead of typing out 'you?!?'  And what does that little winky face mean?!!??!?!?  Ah!!!"  Needless to say, more than one of my text-based courtships has suffered a premature demise.

I guess all of this highlights once more that I'm turning into a crotchety old man.  I was never the most technologically savvy person to begin with, but lately it's just been getting downright ridiculous.  My only defense against the digital onslaught is to hold up nostalgia as a shield--"Remember when we used to talk to people face-to-face!?!?  The 21st century sucks!"  And yet, I can't say that romance is incompatible with technology.  I mean, just take a look at the mixtape, for example.  No, since the digital age is the tableaux for my modest romantic endeavors, I realize that some evolution on my part is necessary lest I go the way of the dodo.  It's just a matter of finding my own balance, I guess.  Even if it is just one text at a time.

--KM

"And I seem to find the happiness I seek when we're out dancing together cheek to cheek."

Bridging the Divide at a Snail's Pace

If you know what's up with Dragon Ball, then you know that's Trunk on the left and Vegeta on the right.  If you don't know what's up with Dragon Ball, well, just know that Vegeta is Trunks' dad, and they have some issues because, as the prince of a now-decimated alien race with some serious entitlement issues, Vegeta has trouble showing his love for his son.  Anyway, I hadn't thought about Dragon Ball in a looooooooong time until getting a card from my friend, Suzawa Sensei, in Japan.  These stamps were on the envelope (deliberately, I have no doubt).  As I turned the envelope over to open it, I see that it's sealed with a "福."  "Fuku," meaning "happiness," but also part of "Fukuoka (福岡)," the prefecture where I lived when I was in Japan.  I could hear Suzawa-Sensei's voice as I opened the card and read the words within, including this gem:

"弁護士業は人間の暗い部分をみている仕事ですよね。厳しく辛いこともあるでしょうが、自分を見失わず前進して下さい."

For those who don't read Japanese, that loosely translates to--"Wouldn't you agree that lawyering is a profession where you see the dark parts of humanity?  There're sure to be some bitterly tough times, but don't lose sight of yourself as you move forward."  Deep stuff, huh?  And pretty spot on with how I feel right now.  Crazy considering I haven't talked to Suzawa Sense face-to-face in years, but I suppose that's what makes certain friendships deeper than others.

Anyway, I guess you could say the message would've been the same via a text or email, but seeing Suzawa Sensei's staid handwriting lent it some gravity that 1's and 0's will never, ever be able to replicate.  I would usually take this opportunity to sing the praises of letter writing over text and emails, but I now know the futility in that (speed and convenience trumping personal touch in the 21st century).  Still, I hope at least some of you reading this are inspired to risk some hand-cramping and write a letter (or two) to those you hold near and dear.  Surprise them with some snail mail :)

--KM

"the wings are wide, the wings are wide. wild card inside, wild card inside."