A few nights ago, I returned home to find that Sparky had passed away. I was a bit surprised because he'd been doing fine up to that point. No signs of distress or discomfort. In fact, he'd taken two "fishwives"--Junior and Dotty--and the trio had been pumping out little babies at a rapid tick. Perhaps in anticipation of their ever-growing family, they'd just purchased a home. A newly remodeled sunken ship with all the upgrades. The three of them would hang out inside there for the majority of the day, with Sparky patrolling the entrances and shooing away interlopers (I'm looking at you, Bert!). All of it signs of happy fishdome. And yet, there he was floating at the top of the aquarium. Staring at me. I felt a little like Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code. What are you trying to tell me, Sparky?
After some inspection and review of clues, I concluded that Sparky's death involved foul play. Healthy fish just don't up and die. But then who did the fateful deed? My first thought was to Hanza, the resident bully of the tank. She'd been acting up recently, and I'd spied her chasing Sparky around from time to time. She had an alibi though. At least one good enough to hold up to initial scrutiny. Same for Bert. I'd seen Sparky kick his ass a few times after catching him lurking around Junior and Dotty trying to get some action. I thought maybe Bert's jealousy had turned to rage to murder, but that theory was also quickly debunked.
After searching into the deep recesses of my brain for all the criminal investigation knowledge gleaned from countless hours of watching Law & Order, I remembered Detective Lenny Briscoe stating that, more often than not, killer and victim are acquainted. So I turned my attention to Junior and Dotty. Had something happened to disrupt this happy, polygamous union? Had Sparky been cheating on them with some young vixen? One of the twins perhaps? Or had he been spending the grocery money at the track? Or was it something more devious; a conspiracy to cash in on his life insurance policy?
However, it quickly became clear that Junior and Sparky weren't involved. In the days following Sparky's death, the two of them hid inside the sunken ship. They were mourning. It was strange to see that fish--an animal you'd consider to be somewhat dim--feel grief over a departed mate. My veterinarian buddy, the Dog Doc (the artist formerly known as the "Transporter"), informed me that it wouldn't be unusual for even fish to feel some level of distress after the passing of a mate, especially if the mate was a male protector-type. Whether that distress rises to the level of what we call "grief" or "sadness" is unlikely and possibly more a projection of human emotions than anything. Still, as man to whom magic and science stand on almost-equal footing, Junior and Sparky's behavior looked like sadness to me. And, I say that because something similar happen about a year ago. After the passing of the wife in that prior fish couple, the husband was sad and lethargic for about a week before joining his wife in the Great Aquarium In The Sky. Cause of death? A broken heart.
Anyway, the fact that there are two grieving widows only strengthens my resolve to find the killer. And, add to that the two more victims I found this morning, both unceremoniously lodged against the filter intake. Whoever is doing all this mischief is certainly calculating, acting when it knows I'm away. Actually, I'm starting to get the distinct feeling that despite my belief that I watch my fish, one of them has been carefully and meticulously watching me. . . even as I'm typing right now. Dun dun du~n.
To be continued. . . (maybe)
--KM
"It was Miss Scarlett in the library with the candlestick."
