Lost and Found

I'm on my way to oral argument this afternoon when Madam Clerk stops me in the hallway and says, "You look lost."  Her observation really struck a chord--was it that obvious?  I guess I have recently been wading chest-deep into some macro life questions--Am I where I need to be?  Am I doing what I should be doing?  Am I . . . happy?  And in dealing with those questions, I actually have felt a little lost, kind of like I'm adrift at sea.  I'm at the mercy of the current with no paddle or wind in my sails, and in every direction is ocean expanding into the infinite horizon; no land or ships or humanity in sight.  The sensation can be little disorienting at times--am I searching or waiting to be found?--and one that can play host to some negative emotions, futility and passivity to name the most potent ones.

But it's also a sensation that makes you sit back and think, "How did I get here?"  I won't bore you with all the gory details of that analysis, but I suppose this is what people refer to as the dreaded "Quarter-Life Crisis."  Every once in a while It'll sneak up behind me like a body snatcher and pull me into a brief foray into all the macro questions that you never really have the time to deal with (perhaps to your detriment).  Something akin to Alice and her famous rabbit hole.  I suppose those forays become fewer and farther apart as you pair up, get married, and start a family.  I imagine at that point your time and energy becomes focused on that very concrete endeavor as opposed to the always ephemeral "life" questions.  But for the moment I'm still a single soldier susceptible to being snatched away.

Of course, Madam Clerk certainly didn't mean to open up this can of worms, especially not on a beautiful Friday afternoon.  No, she was just keying in to the fact that I had no friggin' idea where Department 10 was in the catacombs of the Old Historic Courthouse.  So she pointed me in the right direction, and off I went to do some litigatin'.  I suppose at least for that moment, I was found.

--KM

"I feel the chaos around me, a thing I don't try to deny."